The Archers Variation Progress

Hi guys, I know it's been a long time, but you try being an interdimensional being living with both hands tied behind his back!

Well I'm excited about the progress of my Archers story.  The characters are really taking shape! At first it wasn't easy transferring the work hard play later or not at all ethos of the Archers, into the world of online gamers.  But I think I've really nailed it.

I've just got a few kinks in the plot to iron out then I'm there.

Stayed tuned folks!

Ayoade you have won but lost!

A friend of mine predicted that I wouldn't finish the Ayoade on Ayoade book. Currently he is correct. The pointlessness of the book has proved too much even for my iron-like will. It currenly resides on the lower shelf of my glass coffee table underneath some magazines. This glass table by the way, resembles Wonder Woman's airplane in that it only becomes visible via it's occupants. I may go back to the book in the future, or most likely some lucky person will be purchasing it at a bargain price in a charity shop. Once again I wonder why he wrote it & beleive it should have been much smaller. How many other suckers like myself have wasted their money on a book they thought would reveal something interesting about the man?!!

Will this blog link to Facebook?

Well I've signed up to Facebook & I've used an app that should link my blog to FB, so let's see!

Minecraft Madness!!!

Yes it's happened, I've finally joined the shambling masses of Minecraft addicts!  Order & Chaos has become irrelevant, even Bard's Tale which I had been playing loads, is sadly neglected.  Forget what I said before about not playing computer games, Minecraft is my life!

For years I'd heard people mention the game, seen some pictures, heard a few discussions & just dismissed it all as a kid's game which some adults play with their children.  Recently a couple of acquaintances of mine (Who's opinions on games I respect) have showed/told me about their like of the MC.  This got me interested & so on the 28th December I purchased Minecraft Pocket for my tablet & plunged into a world of aching eyeballs & endless resource gathering.

That's all I'm gonna say about it, except it's getting me through the winter.

You'll be glad to know I had a great Christmas & New Year & hope you did too.

Till next time - whenever that will be I don't know...

What I've Been Doing Lately - Featuring Ayoade & Campbell Update

Hello reader/s, I thought this time I'd actually write something that resembled an ordinary blog for a change.  This means boring you with details about my life...

For those of you that have been reading this blog, you will know that I recently succeeded in obtaining the 2 books on Ayoade & Campbell.  You also will be pleased to know they were received in good condition.  The Campbell book was a great read, a fascinating & witty insight into the world of the B-movie actor (who sometimes steps into the world of the A-movie/TV) He seems like a nice guy (By his own account of himself) And I can really see why some people just drop out of the the whole acting scene.  You may think you have to deal with assholes in your job, but the movie world is a rich seam of asshole gold.  According to BC a lot of people drop out because they are simply ground down by it all.  To be an A-list player, you gotta work it - attend the right parties, lick the right ass & put up with endless BS & egos.  Anyhoo there you go.

I'm still reading the Ayoade book, but was immediately disappointed to find that this is not an insight into the man, but just a very stupid book.  I'm stubbornly trying to read it to the end, because I like the man & it is quite funny at times.  It's just that the book is based around the idea that he is being interviewed by himself.  The interviewer Ayoade is fairly serious, while the interviewee Ayoade is a ludicrous caricature of himself.  Arrogant & deluded, infantile & pretentious.  Anyway I don't recommend this book beyond being used as a coffee table book to be picked up from time to time & laughed at.

I've been playing an online game on my tablet called "Order & Chaos" it's been astoundingly addictive & fun & it's free!  I've now reached level 64 which has taken me around 3 months playing virtually everyday.  I'm getting to the point where I'm a little bored by it - thank goodness (or is it?) this leads me on to my next point:

I think I may be losing some interest in computer games!  Arggh the horror!  What's the evidence? I hear you demand.  Well I haven't played anything on my PS3 for around 5 months.  When I've tried I had no interest & just turn the thing off.  I've played no games on my laptop either, hardly any on my phone.  Yes I've been playing on my tablet Order & Chaos & some others - but even this interest is waning.  Oh no it looks like I may have to fill my time with something that's worthwhile & goes towards improving my life in some way.

This is my worst time of year.  The run up to Christmas irritates me, the actual day is usually pretty good though.  I dislike the darkness outside & the corresponding darkness inside.  My energy drops dramatically & going out & socialising becomes harder & less pleasurable.  This year however, i'm doing a little better & my energy levels are not as low as usual.  I still have to go to bed earlier during the week, but I haven't felt completely hollow inside while socialising - yah!

That's all for now, your'e lucky/unlucky you got this much out of me - the Archers project is really shaping up, won't be long now...

You Know You're a geek when...

1. You see ex-Sci-Fi actors in mundane situations on made for TV movies or soaps & you feel like crying, for example:

Craig Charles (Lister on Red Dwarf) in Coronation Street

Bruce Boxleitner (Captain Sheridan on Babylon 5, Tron) Hosing his lawn in a made for TV movie

Gareth Thomas (Blake in Blake's 7) as a pensioner in a children's TV programme burning his hand on a kettle & acting like a big baby.

William Shatner (No I will not explain who he is!) TG Hooker

Gillian Anderson (Dana Scully in XFiles) Bleak House

2. You felt joy when:

at the start of each episode of Star Trek The Next Generation, Patrick Stewart's voice informs us that it's a "Continuing" mission rather than a "5 year" mission as in the original series.

3. You felt outrage & anger when:

Firefly was cancelled, The Tick was cancelled, Caprica (spin-off from Battlestar Galactica) was cancelled.  The last Star Trek series "Enterprise" was an absolute steaming pile of excrement & totally killed Star Trek's chances of ever being on TV for at least another decade!!!

4. You will always think Patrick Stewart is amazing

5. You want Bruce Campbell to stay looking heroic like "Ash" forever & not be slowly putting on weight as he gets older. (You still think he is great though)

6. You still agonise about how Red Dwarf became a bit shit when one half of the writing team left

Well that's it.  if you have any other ideas on what reveals a person to be a geek, feel free to add your comments below.

Next Time: That Archers story you've been waiting for!

What Would Chris Pine Do?

Hello to you & yes another post already.

While I write this on the sofa, Mrs Rockford is sat next to me watching another episode of Columbo.

I guess you want to know why I'm writing another post already, no? well i'll tell you anyway.

I've been taking more action lately & it's all been inspired by Chris Pine.

Chris Pine first came to my attention in the re-imagined Star Trek films.

He played Captain Kirk, a major feat, following in the footsteps of William Shatner!

In my opinion he did damn well.  The guy needed bags of charisma to fill Shatner's shoes, he absolutely phasered charisma off the screen.

As for the films themselves, I though they were ok, but something was off.

Sure Zachary Quinto was equally great as Spock - good casting guys!  But something didn't feel right.

The films were directed by  JJ Abrams, I just don't trust the guy, I get the feeling he doesn't really like Sci-Fi.

Call me crazy, but I think one day I'll be proved correct.

Anyway, I've just seen a film starring Chris Pine & Denzel Washington called "Unstoppable" a simple idea about a runaway train, but very good.

Chris Pine once again plays the action hero. He's really good a playing these flawed heroic types.  One thing these characters he plays have in common is that they get things done.

That's the kind of guy I wanna be.  I don't mean saving lives, blowing up planets or stopping trains, but just getting stuff done.

My problem has always been that I over-think stuff , & end up doing nothing having talked myself out of it.

The characters CP plays have a quick think & then take action before it's too late.

Inspired by all this I've tried to incorperate these characteristics into my daily life.

Already today I've:

• Got Myself & Mrs Rockford across the road quicker than other pedestrians.
• Got the attention of a waiter in a cafe who seemed oblivious to our presence.
• Wrote more posts than usual

This is just the beginning of a new way of being.  From now on I will be asking myself "What would Chris Pine do?"

Ayoade Additional

Hi folks, it's me again.

Just wanted to update  you on the Ayoade situation:

A few days later I returned to Waterstones during my lunch hour.

The book had been removed from the window.  Perhaps my recent inquiries had alerted them to the sad lack of Ayoade, despite what the system had said.

You will be pleased to hear that I have not only ordered Ayoade from Amazon, but also The Bruce Campbell Autobiography.  Both books were second hand, but apparently in good condition, and less than half the price!

The online method wins again.  I don't want high street shops to die out, but they let themselves down with these sort of shenanigans.

I'll let you know how I get on with actually reading the books.

I can't wait to see what I write about the Archers!

Ayoade overload

While we're waiting to hear about The Archers, I thought you might want to hear about my lunchtime adventure today!

Today for a special lunch-time treat I decided to go to Waterstones & perhaps look at some graphic novels & such.  On arriving my eye was drawn to the window display of books.  In particular to a book named Ayoade on Ayoade.  An apparent biography of I.T Crowd star turned director Richard Ayoade.  I went inside & made the mountainous climb to the third floor film section.  After a few minutes searching I was sure the book wasn't there.  No luck in the biography section either.  With only a 30 minute lunch hour at my disposal, I decided to ask for help.  The 1st floor female shop assistant was certainly willing & even followed me into the street to see the book in the window.  Back inside she consulted the computer which told her that there were currently 11 in stock. She was very sure that it would be in the film section. I mentioned that I'd already looked, but thought if the computer had said there were 11, then I must have overlooked it.  I once again traversed the north face of the Eiger to reach the 3rd floor... Yep it wasn't there.



With confusion beginning to fog my world,  I asked a friendly looking young man. He was convinced it would be downstairs, smilingly descending into the unknown, I waved him off .  Reading a book while I was waiting seemed a good idea.  I glanced down & was pleased to see Bruce Campbell's "If Chins Could Kill" an autobiography of a B movie star.  Bruce Campbell is best know for his role as the wise-cracking square-jawed hero "Ash" in the comedy horror movie series "The Evil Dead"  In the introduction he talked about how other such books were usually accounts of a meteroic rise/fall to/from fame.  He pointed out that reading such books were a waste of time, since we already know so & so had a great career but a rotten life, or that Charlton Heston had a great voice but terrible toupee!  he wanted to talk about the lesser known guys, the B-movie actors grinding away in the background.  By this time the re-emerging friendly looking young man had evolved into the apologetic looking man.  No he couldn't find any, strange.  Did I want him to retrieve the copy from the window?  I advised him that not only did I just want to have a look and may or may not buy it, but mainly that my lunch break had nearly ended and there was no more time.  I took my leave.

Bring Back The Tick!

Comic

Hello everyone, something amazing has happened, or is about to happen! One of my favourite ever short-lived TV shows "The Tick" is close to being resurrected. To say this is a most unexpected development or in the words of the show "A fortuitous happenstance" is an understatement.  "What is this TV show of which you speak?" I hear you ask.  Well I'll be pleased to fill you in:

The Tick!

Created by Ben Edlund, The Tick started life as a comic book  back in 1988.  Evolving into the excellent cartoon series I know and love in 1994, it enjoyed popular success. For my flat-mate & I at the time, it's absurdist, twisted humor was the perfect antidote to a crap day at work.

Animated TV Series

The cartoon show was a surreal parody of the world of the superhero.  The Tick, defender of the citizens of a city known only as "The City" was a super strong, nearly invulnerable dunder-headed madman.  He existed in a world where most superheroes had no powers & were either sadly deluded or cowardly.  Despite his great power, The Tick did however feel pain. His enormous stupidity and significant sanity deficit often led to some absurdly uncomfortable situations.  Fortunately he was assisted by his side-kick Arthur or "The Moth" an ex accountant recently turned superhero.  Arthur had no super powers, but had a better grasp of reality than the Tick and most other heroes & villains in "The City". As the show progressed, it became increasingly obvious how much the two of them really needed each other.  The Tick provided the all important muscle, while Arthur supplied wisdom, intelligence & sanity.  Arthur also acted as a kind of mentor to The Tick, guiding him in the ways of the world.

The Tick's child-like view of things, and his enormous power seemed to suggest he was not of this world, a kind of souped-up "Mork" with his origins completely unknown to all including himself.  Unlike other super heroes, he had no alias, and existed as the Tick at all times.  The sight of the big blue-costumed crazy at Arthur's apartment, wresting with everyday tasks like watching TV & flushing the loo were hilarious.

One of the greatest things about the show was The Tick's absurd heroic sounding dialogue, for example:

Tick: "Destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future, and it's up to me to lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and to pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evildoers everywhere. And you don't fight destiny. No sir. And, you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future, or you get all... scratchy."

or

Tick: "Like a great blue salmon of Justice, the mighty Tick courses upstream to the very spawning ground of evil."

Another great thing about the show was the ridiculous cast of idiotic superheroes & villains. Our two heroes would periodically team up with these inept costumed do-gooders.  Heroes such as Die Fledermaus (The Bat) an obvious parody of Batman. Garbed in a stupid bat costume, DF is a cowardly, womanising ego-maniac. Or Sewer Urchin - the sworn defender of "The City" sewers, stinky, slimy, shunned by most.  The villains were even more insane, such as Chair Face Chippendale, a mafia don type, with the head of an antique chair. The Breadmaster, a disenchanted baker wreaking revenge on a society that has accepted sub-standard bread.

Comic or TV Who Knows?

After a successful run and three series, the cartoon show ceased airing some time in the 90s.  I never forgot this show however, it had lodged itself in my psyche.

Years later, when the internet & laptops had been invented, I decided to try to recapture that old Tick magic.  It was during one of these catch up sessions that I was shocked & over-joyed to find that a live-action TV show had been created!  This show starred Patrick Warburton (The voice of Family Guy disabled cop - Joe Swanson) dressed in virtually the same insane suit from the cartoon joined by Arthur "The Moth" & other characters from the animated series.

I was excited to see that they had really capured the spirit of the animated series & in many ways had improved on it.  Characters such as Die Fledermaus had been tweaked.  DF had now become Batmanuel, a Kind of latino Batman, with the same egotism & obsession with women, but perhaps a little more human than his animated counterpart.

Patrick Warburton was superb as The Tick, as was David Burke as Arthur.  I greatly enjoyed these live-action episodes and looked forward to each one.  I was  hugely disappointed then, to realise that the 9 episodes I'd watched, was all there was!  Despite critical acclaim, the network decided to pull the plug!

Roughly 10 years later, I have discovered that there is a real chance to bring the programme back!

I don't know if you've heard of it, but Amazon run a competition where the public get to vote on green-lighting pilot TV shows.  Its called Amazon originals.  You watch pilots of shows on their website & vote on the one you'd like to be made into a series.  Very soon The Tick will get this chance.

So I'm asking you to help me bring it back!

I know the show will not be to everyone's taste & that's why it needs your support.  Too often, creative formula smashing shows or movies are not given the chance they deserve.  When they are, something wonderful is born. Back in the 80s George Harrison lent his financial support to films that would otherwise never have been made.  He financed "Monty Python - The Life of Brian" and through his company "Handmade Films" unique & eccentric craziness  like "Time Bandits" were made.

There are certainly some great shows around, usually from HBO.  But we don't just need great, we need more leftfield, creative, funny stuff.

I don't know when it's coming to Amazon originals, but I'll keep you posted & hope that you can vote for an original, creative, funny formula-smashing show!

Live-Action TV Series

Next time; what would "The Archers" be like if it was about online game players?

Coming Soon - Bring Back The Tick!

My one-man mission to ensure that the world's best ever TV show is brought back to our screens!

My Wife's Shocking TV Obsessions - Part 3

Alias Smith and Jones

Now I barely remember this one from childhood, Mrs Rockford has a much clearer recollection being a bit older!

Two cowboys constantly travelling, performing good deeds along the way, are my images.  Enough at least to find the name of Mel & Griff's  series  "Alas Smith & Jones" faintly amusing.

Described by Wikipedia as:
Alias Smith and Jones is an American Western series that originally aired onABC from January 1971 to January 1973. It stars Pete Duel as Hannibal Heyes and Ben Murphy as Jedediah "Kid" Curry, outlaw cousins who are trying to reform."

These two handsome fellas took on all challenges in a most philosophical fashion, never wasting time with negativity about a situation (No belly-aching) instead pouring their energy into solving the darn thing!

A great funny eccentric TV programme that survived for 3 seasons.

Sadly, Pete Duel died early in the second series and they immediately replaced him with Roger Davis.

This was the guy that not only did the voice-over at the beginning, but played a bad guy on a previous episode.

Bizarrely, Roger Davis played the same character as Pete Duel.

Even more bizarrely, and just a bit screwed up - filming restarted only 12 hours after Pete Duel's death!

This was allegedly due to ABC threatening to sue if filming didn't continue - nice!

It may be my imagination (although very likely true) but co-star Ben Murphy can be seen sleep-walking through his role soon after the death - not surprising really.

This is one Mrs Rockford obsession that may be nearly over.

The loss of Pete Duel is too great!

So there ends the list of televisual treets.

Until next time!

My Wife's Shocking TV Obsessions! Part 2

Welcome back to the second installment of this exploration of my wife's quirky viewing habits!

Next -  a ridiculous, but oddly entertaining programme was:

"Columbo"

Described by Wikipedia as:

"... an American detective mystery television film series (1968–1978, 1989–2003), starring Peter Falk as Columbo, a homicide detective with the Los Angeles Police Department."  

The formula for each episode was pretty much the same: the characters and story are introduced, one of the characters murders the other, attempts to cover it up, just when he/she thinks they have gotten away with it,  Columbo (After nearly an hour in)  comes chugging up in his car-wreck & raincoat.  

Our detective is never at full health, usually experiencing either: food poisoning, lack of sleep, general fatigue, or headache.  He is routinely not recognised as a superior by low ranking officers, until he wearily flashes his badge.  

This guy never misses a detail, scrutinising every aspect of the case ,asking and re-asking seemingly unimportant questions, which later proved to be central to solving the case.  This skill is regularly employed by Mrs Rockford, who herself has the reputation of getting to the bottom of any situation/challenge.

  
So great was Mrs Rockford's love for the programme, that a few years ago we found ourselves watching a small theater production of Columbo. This special one-off starred the A-Teams's Dirk Benedict as our dishevelled hero.  We were at first skeptical about anyone filling the Falk's shoes, but fill them he did, and with style! 

There's just one more thing: While always fun to watch, continuous viewing finally begs the question "at what stage did he know?" Because our hero is clearly onto the murderer from the very start, and just seems to spend the whole time harassing the person until they 'fess up or slip up! So is Columbo psychic? I guess that will remain a mystery...


Next Time: "Alias Smith & Jones"

The comics are coming!

I've just started using a comic book creation app on my tablet, it's really good!

I have tried a few today & they were good for free apps, but didn't quite give me the freedom I needed.  For the small price of 99p "Comic Strip It Pro" used in conjunction with an art app does everything I need!

Soon I will be creating some comic strips about my experiences for your entertainment.  In the meantime enjoy my experiments below:

My Wife's Shocking TV Obsessions! Part 1

Welcome to a new post who's regularity is out of my hands, instead depending on:

Mrs Rockfords Quirky Current TV Obsessions!

A few years ago we decided to go with Virgin as we live in a basement & can't receive Freeview. This gave us the opportunity to catch up on endless repeats of ancient TV shows.

Peculiar TV obsessions arose within my wife

Before these obsessions firmly took root however, one of the first shows we enjoyed together was the fantastic Rockford Files - hence my blogger name. James Garner plays the private detective who prefers to talk, rather than fight his way out of a scrape. 

The title sequence was superb, with the highly original theme tune voiced by the Minimoog synthesizer. Each episode begun cleverly with a different answer machine message, usually concerning Rockford owing money etc. The title visuals used a series of stills of the city & Jim, rather than the usual clips of previous episodes - brilliant! We loved this show and then it just stopped...which if you're familiar with Virgin/Sky and their endless repeats - seems incredible!

It may be this sad loss that drove my wife into the arms of Bodie & Doyle in:

"The Professionals"

Starring a rugged Lewis Collins & a tough but slightly more sensitive Martin Shaw. Every week the excellent Gordon Jackson as their shrewd, dour Scottish boss, kicked Whitehall ass as our boys kicked actual ass in the field! This programme running from '77 to '83 was in my opinion one of the finest on TV at the time. The well thought out, action-packed stories, contained just enough plot twists & humor to keep us coming back for more.  The fight scenes were well choreographed, which was almost unique in the era of wobbly sets & "no one will notice" attitude of programming. 

It of course seems ridiculously sexist to our modern eyes & was clearly one of the influences to Gene Hunt & other characters in "Life on Mars" Like a piece of quality clothing though, it largely stands the test of time. Today this great programme remains sadly underrated & strangely absent from modern retro-culture.  

Newsflash: I've just heard that a modern-day film of the series could be being made at this very moment - alright!

Next Time: Columbo

Coming Soon - My Wife's Shocking TV Obsessions!

You Won't Believe What I have To tell You!!

Philip Seymour Hoffman - You Were Great

My thoughts on the great man are simple and are explained below:

I must See more (Seymour) Hoffman!!!

Coming Soon - what I think about Philip Seymour Hofman!

Papa Is A Phony!

Here is my regular spot where I wade through the effluent of celebrity news to scoop out the very best of modern tittle tattle just for you!

Madonna found herself at the centre of a media storm last week when it was revealed that the man in her music video "Papa Don't Preach"  was in fact an actor and not her real father.  In a interview the pop legend claimed that she was "In no way trying to fool anyone".  She went on to say that " This was not a documentary of my life... I may have drawn on some of my own experiences... but this was essentially the story of every girl in this situation"  Despite her assurances however, experts have confirmed that the female in the music video is most definitely Madonna.

Fans from all over the world have posted comments on the official Madonna fan-site pledging support for the actor/singer, while others have said they feel extremely let down by the 85 year old. One fan said "I had my suspicions at the time, but just put it down to random resemblance & intellectual frailty, now I feel completely used!" Madonna has publicly shrugged off charges of fraud & gross negligence saying "Look this video was made in the 80s, it's ancient history, as far as I'm concerned it's so over!" The British Prime Sir Anthony Head has hit back saying " War crimes were committed decades ago, but that doesn't mean the perpetrators should be absolved of all guilt"

The actor who played Madonna's  father, real name Danny Aiello claims he was tricked into doing the video.  Mr Aiello said "I thought I was shooting a video with my real daughter, then they brought this blond broad on... I didn't know who the hell she was...the crew said she was a stand-in used to rehearse the shots and that my real daughter would be brought in later, that turned out to be a load of baloney!"

 Madonna wasn't available for comment last night at her home in South Shields, County Durham

That's nearly all folks, it just remains to say that Madonna qualifies to be in this blog because she was in the films Dick Tracy & Die Another Day - both films were sort of about superheroes!

Coming soon - Madonna Scandal Rocks World!!